InsaneJournal

I deserve love.
When I was very wee, I used to have these nightmares about bugs. The dreams were always the same: bugs were at the bottom of my bed trying to crawl their way up. They were actually sort of waking nightmares; I had them when I was trying to get to sleep more often than when I was asleep. I used to wake up crying all the time.

I stopped waking up crying by the time I was 7 or so I think, but I never really got over that nightmare. I still have it fairly often--again, while I'm awake. I can feel bugs crawling on me, and have to concentrate really hard to remind myself it's not real.

When I read 1984 and got to the part about Room 101 (Winston's Room 101 being rats) I started trying to think what would be in my Room 101, what one thing I was so afraid of I might even betray someone I loved out of sheer fear. And sadly, I had an answer, and it's a certain kind of bug. This bug is relatively harmless, but it frightens the bejesus out of me. And my Room 101 would be full to the top of them, and I'd have to go in there, and they wouldn't just crawl on me, they'd crawl in me. Yes, in every place. I am very good at feeding my phobias.

So tonight when I was reading some of the best fiction (pro or fan) that I've ever read anywhere, one of those bugs crawls into my pants. I tell myself it's the nightmare and it's not real. I tell myself this a good five minutes before I look in pants to check.

I am never going to sleep again.

SO. Do not mention bugs or tell me your bug horror stories or I will stab out your eyes and stuff them like olives. But do please tell me something nice, because I deserve it. ROOM 101 IS UPSTAIRS, AND MY PANTS ARE STILL IN IT*. MY WORST NIGHTMARE LITERALLY JUST CAME TRUE.

*am not pantless, though.